There are times when it so hard to plod through life, wanting more. I am impatient. I am tired. Life has just thrown a lot of things my way over the past year and I think I am getting tired of the incessant burden of everything.
I believe that God created me to live, to enjoy the life he has given me. And I have every reason to enjoy it. I don’t lack for much that I need materially. I have great friends. I have a family that loves me – even if they are also the cause of much worry as well. I just also have this sort of driven nature that wants to see results. So, I look for signs of growth in myself, I expect my kids to show signs of maturity, I search for positive signs that things are improving. And I don’t see them really.
I wonder if God us to go through these dry sorts of times so that he can do something deep inside us where we can’t see; can’t even detect his workings. I like to think he is still around.
Actually, I have experienced enough of his goodness that it doesn’t make sense to doubt him. But it is very hard to just relax, just live and let him do whatever it is that he is doing. I wish for times of solitude and quiet so I might hear him, but there hasn’t been much of that lately.
It is also a hard time to blog. My daily routines of life just seem kind of blah. And writing about it seems just like writing about it is a bit like saying blah, blah, blah, blah…