There are times when it becomes very evident that there is a part of me that likes to be in control. Ask my kids. I think there is some feeling of authority or power that comes with feeling that somehow one has it all together so that things go like clockwork, no hitches, no glitches, all because of me. Power!
And of course that is not the best attitude for a follower of Jesus to have.
I think this is a big part of what we have somehow inherited in our genes that ruins us; that distorts even our most noble intentions. Rebellion, mistrust, wanting to be in charge; not wanting anyone, even God, to set boundaries for us. Seems like he is reminding me of this tendency in me once again. I suppose he wants me to pay attention. And as I do, I am reminded that in the heart of me, I am not much different than my kids.
I am rather proud of my easy going attitude, my flexibility and tolerance. And then I see myself reacting to demands put on me. Let me offer my services but don’t demand them. Let me offer them on my terms and please give me plenty of notice so that it is convenient for me. And if you are one of my children needing a ride that interferes with my plans, I know I will not be so flexible, or gracious and kind.
Throw in some tiredness and my tolerance factor goes way down.
Making a long drive so Grace can get to a dance competition in Calgary is both something I want to and don’t want to do. But for heavens sake, I wish she would make some definite plans than fit with what I want.
Now, I believe it is healthy for parents to place some limits on kids plans. They need to learn how to plan out events they need to get to, and then maybe let everyone involved know – early on.
The more subtle problem that I am running smack up against in myself is that I like to call the shots. I want my space and my time and please leave me alone to do my thing – whatever it happens to be. I think I even expect God to show up on my schedule, in the ways I want him to.
So, yeah, I have control issues to deal with.