One of my regular practices is praying the prayers of The Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle especially the morning office and the Compline. I like the regularity of these prayers. This morning part of the request for presence read, “Our God will come and will not keep silence.”
It is good to be in the presence of God in the morning. Lately it has seemed like silence many mornings even though I know he is there; I count on him being there even if my feelings don’t sense him.
The last couple of days I have brought a bunch of my concerns to God. He has his ways of making me pay attention. He does not keep silence when we come to him. But, I need time and quiet to hear him.
I have always been a person of action – doing things, being busy with good things, helping out where I can. But in the past few years, God seems to be drawing me into another sort of relationship with him. More quiet, more listening for his voice before I act. I need to learn how to operate and how to order my life for this new relationship. I think that I am still the same person but when I was younger contemplation and quiet were not taught to me as ways to do the will of God – not that they were bad, just that Christians were supposed to do good things; put our faith into action. I think God is bringing me back to a more balanced place. It is a new way of looking at what I do with my time, learning to say no to some things, asking for more help with others. Learning these sorts of things can be a bit painful. Right now I am too busy and I need to work hard at freeing myself from some of the big demands on my time. I have to look hard at how I function and who I am and who I want to be.
It is tough. Sometimes it means I won’t blog as much. This is something I enjoy but it is not my first priority. I want to be sure to have enough time to know my grandchildren. I want time to spend with friends and my children. I have to have enough time to spend with God – a need as well as a desire.