Solipsistic – adj.
one who believes in self as only reality: the belief that the only thing somebody can be sure of is that he or she exists, and that true knowledge of anything else is impossible
And just where will I use this wonderful new word that I had to stop and look up while I was deep in my reading?
So, Leo is in the lead up time to his surgery next Friday. This morning he went to get his lab work done so I was told last night not to bother bringing him a cup of coffee in the morning.
I remembered that I did not need to be sure he was up early but forgot about the coffee. One nice cup of coffee down the drain.
And if you are curious this is what he will be having done. Not in Toronto though. We are off to a special centre in Mexico.
From Isaiah 43: 1b to 3a The Message – part of my reading for the morning. Next to the Psalms, Isaiah ranks highest for me in speaking to needs deep within me – for comfort, for my need to feel cared for by a God who never comes to dead ends like I do.
Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
We are in the midst of another winter storm. This one is bringing plenty of snow and very cold, cold freezing temperatures. With the wind chill it will be about – 54 C tonight.
That is about as cold as I need as a reminder of the “good old days” of my youth when it seemed as if these temperatures were more common. Maybe that is just because in those days I walked to school – both to high school and up to university. I can still remember the wind coming around the arts building like in a wind tunnel and walking against it the last part of the way to class.
Anyway, with all the snow our snow blower is going to begin to earn its keep tonight. I wonder how frozen I will get running it – or if Massa will die of hypothermia in my place.
I wonder how much Massa must miss the Congo on days like this. He will need hot tea or soup tonight!
Yep, I got home and Massa was already there running the snow blower, the driveway almost cleared. Then without coming in to warm up he shovelled the areas the snow blower could not reach and cleared off the front deck. From spending his Janurarys at +30 C to -30 C in two years. And he hardly ever complains.
Some days I go looking to God for a lot; mostly solutions to some of the stresses in my life. This morning, I sat talking to God before the worship service. I was simply asking for some solutions to things I do not know how to handle. Some things are clearly beyond my ability and – well, I need help. I was not looking for some miraculous easy answers but I knew that I could not shoulder all the problems I was running into on my own.
I said, “God, I need to hear something from you this morning. I need to learn something that will help me handle the tough parts of my life right now.”
And then we gathered to worship and listen.
During the worship time I was reminded of how much I enjoy the music and the prayers we lift up to God. We draw together and we draw closer to God. As part of the worship team it feels good to lead the people into God’s presence.
This morning I was also listening to try and make sense of some things I am trying to deal with. What I heard was helpful – God reminded me that he was the source of my help. That he would be with me through whatever and that if I could just trust him I’d be spared the agony of a lot of worry about my own abilities to correct all the problems around me.
After the service was done a couple of us sat and talked about a particular situation and sorted out some things to do with that. Got rid of a lot of frustrations and began to understand that particular situation more clearly. I left realizing that all would work out.
Ahh, if only the day would have ended there!
But no, I returned home to deal with another situation full of conflict and misunderstandings. This one we sort of battled our way through till both wounded, we realized we needed to stop and bind up each others wounds. That is nicer than the fighting part.
I guess a mother of many children can expect some conflict with them – especially when we are under the same roof, in each others space. I hate conflict, and yet it seems to erupt around me.
Thankfully, we are half way through the day. Most of the people here have just left for the cinema. This little space of peace and quiet is a gift to me. Working through conflict drains the energy from me.
I do not understand the fact that mothers seem to be guilty by default for a wide variety of circumstances beyond our control.
I also hate the way the blaming process makes me feel. Even when I know I am not responsible. Maybe I am just an easy target so I get hit in the general blast.
It knocks the wind out of my self esteem.
I wonder how one learns to duck?
I’m driving down to Saskatoon for the day – a CE course of Medical Emergencies by the guy who wrote the book on them. Should be good.
And then I get to spend the night with grandkids (and my own kids too of course).