Daily Archives: January 27, 2008

I hate conflict

Some days I go looking to God for a lot; mostly solutions to some of the stresses in my life.  This morning, I sat talking to God before the worship service.  I was simply asking for some solutions to things I do not know how to handle.  Some things are clearly beyond my ability and – well, I need help.  I was not looking for some miraculous easy answers but I knew that I could not shoulder all the problems I was running into on my own. 

I said, “God, I need to hear something from you this morning.  I need to learn something that will help me handle the tough parts of my life right now.”

And then we gathered to worship and listen. 

During the worship time I was reminded of how much I enjoy the music and the prayers we lift up to God.  We draw together and we draw closer to God.  As part of the worship team it feels good to lead the people into God’s presence. 

This morning I was also listening to try and make sense of some things I am trying to deal with.  What I heard was helpful – God reminded me that he was the source of my help.  That he would be with me through whatever and that if I could just trust him I’d be spared the agony of a lot of worry about my own abilities to correct all the problems around me. 

After the service was done a couple of us sat and talked about a particular situation and sorted out some things to do with that.  Got rid of a lot of frustrations and began to understand that particular situation more clearly.  I left realizing that all would work out.

Ahh, if only the day would have ended there!

But no, I returned home to deal with another situation full of conflict and misunderstandings.  This one we sort of battled our way through till both wounded, we realized we needed to stop and bind up each others wounds.  That is nicer than the fighting part.

I guess a mother of many children can expect some conflict with them – especially when we are under the same roof, in each others space.  I hate conflict, and yet it seems to erupt around me.

Thankfully, we are half way through the day.  Most of the people here have just left for the cinema.  This little space of peace and quiet is a gift to me.  Working through conflict drains the energy from me.


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I should have ducked

I do not understand the fact that mothers seem to be guilty by default for a wide variety of circumstances beyond our control.

I also hate the way the blaming process makes me feel. Even when I know I am not responsible. Maybe I am just an easy target so I get hit in the general blast.

It knocks the wind out of my self esteem.

I wonder how one learns to duck?

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Filed under Dealing with stuff