Daily Archives: March 28, 2008

Re-shaping

Lately I have felt a bit like a lump of clay waiting for the potter to decide on where to squeeze me, prod me and shape me.  It is hard to wait ’cause I think I should have some kind of shape.  I have had a certain kind of shape for a long time and somehow it has begun to fit me poorly.  I am sort of waiting for a make-over I guess.  Maybe the make-over has begun – just no final shape yet and I am growing impatient with not knowing exactly for what purpose I will take shape.  Which is kind of stupid since I am not the potter.  I guess the time spent now being shaped, which I am sure is going on even if I don’t feel much, will result in what the potter wants. 

I hope.  It is hard to live in a liminal space. 

I don’t want to live passively, as if nothing matters to me.  I want to live expectantly even if I don’t know what is coming next.  Learning to trust the potter with the design. 

That is very figurative, I know.  Waiting is hard.  Waiting for things to move me towards retirement, towards new roles after that.  Not knowing, waiting for pieces to fall into place, attempting to give some pieces a push.  This in between place is a hard place to live.

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