Last night Patrick asked me some questions about my marriage. He’s doing his own marriage preparation course/counseling so has this book/workbook that he is working through.
One of the questions he asked was, “What was one of the most memorable events in your marriage?”
I had no idea how to answer that one.
Not because I have had no memorable events. I think there have been so many.
There was the time he came home early from the Congo and met me at the door totally shocked. I didn’t expect to see him till the next day, yet he was there when I opened the door. That was early on in our marriage. There are a couple of other memorable events in the early part that I will leave up to your imagination. Not all of them were happy but although they are there in my memory, I do not dwell on them now. Things forgiven must stay forgiven.
Then there was the cockroach night in the Congo. I think I’ve written about that before so won’t repeat it. Not sure if he deserves forgiveness for that evening but it has become more funny than horrible as time passed.
There was the ring he gave me on our fifth anniversary – the matching band for my engagement ring. Took him 5 years of marriage to afford the thing! And I didn’t need it but he gave it to me anyway.
Over the years there have been many occasions that were special. However, there is not one single event that stands out for me as the most memorable. Our marriage has grown slowly, sometimes invisibly, through all sorts of events and trials till it has become something solid. I live with a man I trust completely, one who trusts me with the same kind of certainty. I still have a man who supports me in whatever endeavor I take on – not some sort of foolish disinterest that lets me do things that are not healthy, but he has believed in my ability to do things well and that has, by his faith in me, helped me to do well. He’s nudged me towards wholeness and completeness and I think I have done the same for him.
So there is no one event that can bring about the kind of slow and steady development that we’ve experienced through our marriage. There is love, deep and solid and trustworthy that has grown between us that is too big to attribute to an event. I guess if there is one single factor that has helped us to grow a strong marriage it has been the fact that God has been present in it from the beginning. Sometimes it has simply been the knowledge that we vowed to remain faithful to each other that has made us work at keeping our marriage strong. Partly it has been the fact that if one gives God permission to be active in a marriage, he is more than willing to use it to grow you as a couple and as individuals. Our marriage has been a gift of God to us, one of our most precious blessings and one that has required hard work as well as love to maintain.